SEX ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE

God designed the human sexual experience to begin only one time in life- after the marriage ceremony. That doesn't sound modern and up-to-date but it is the truth! Why God created sex is vitally important. Sex is part of the eros love God designed. It is part of our nature, our makeup. Sex, when practiced in love and in the confines of marriage is holy and pure. The apostle Paul said, "Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed (sex in marriage) kept pure for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Heb.13:4). Only two generations ago sex was a taboo subject. It was often wrongly regarded as dirty. Most were ignorant of the true experience. Sex life within marriage was often tragically unfulfilling. Then following two world wars the world burst into sexual experimentation and promiscuity. In the 1950s Dr. Alfred charles Kinsey conducted his research on human sexuality. More and more people became educated about sexual functions. Now there are literally hundreds of books and pamphlets on the subject. At the time moral standard declined. Organised religion exerted less influence. Liberality became the pacesetter. The result is a modern society gone rampant with sexual experimentation. Virginity is an almost obsolescent word. Peer pressure and false or unbridled emotions have led to a great deal of premarital sex experimentation. The modern argument is,"Those who have experienced intimate sexual relationships before marriage will be better sex partners in marriage." How sadly wrong that argument is. The almighty God who created us male and female designed sex to be practiced only in the confines of marriage. Any other practice of sex is sin! Premarital sex is adultery. Both are capital offenses against the holy law of God! Sex within marriage-practiced in love is clean, holy, pure. The most obvious reason for sex is the reproduction of mankind. God has designed the marvelous human reproductive system to function in the confines of love and marriage. Husbands and wider produce through sexual contact, miniature reproductions of themselves- new life. One of life's truly great experiences is the birth of a child but this was designed by God to be part of the marriage union-never to be experienced outside of marriage. There is even a greater and far reaching purpose for human sexuality.

LOVE LEADS TO MARRIAGE

Since eros or erotic love is a natural love, as also is philia love, it's natural that when couples spend a lot of time together they begin to think about building a permanent relationship. In the adolescent years it is not possible to develop true and full agape love. It is not the time to settle into a permanent relationship. The widely practiced custom of going steady only leads to difficulties. Young people who spend too much time with only one member of the opposite sex create circumstances where passions can get out of control. Sexual experimentation then begins before marriage. Serious mistakes are made that lead to deep regret later. The teen years should be spent developing a wide variety of friends from both sexes. At a proper age young people can begin to date but not just one person. That way, a person can experience being with a variety of members of the opposite sex. You can know much better the type of person with whom you could spend the rest of your life. Don't ever consider marriage unless it is built on a relationship of growing love. Don't marry for convenience, desire, security, money or any other single reason. Marry because you have grown to love the person with whom you want to share the remainder of this physical life. Never live together outside the sacred bonds of marriage. From the beginning the almighty God instituted the marriage covenant as the most sacred of all ceremonies. It is the start of a new life together- the beginning of a new family unit. On the day God created Adam and Eve, he said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh"(Gen.2:24). God presented Eve to Adam in the first marriage ceremony. Marriage should be the most wonderful part of life and the wedding one of the most joyous days to remember. Marriage is a natural union but a divine institution ordained by the Creator God. A beautiful bride dressed in white, a handsome groom in a tuxedo or suit and an event shared by family and friends should be a happy occassion well worth remembering. How sad that too many marriages are not based on true love and don't last long. Joy turns quickly to sadness. Happiness turns to tragedy. If only everyone would put these things in the proper order. First, learn to love- really and truly love before beginning the sexual experience then plan a wonderful wedding.

THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

There is yet another Greek word that explains the deep and spiritual meaning of love. The word is agape. Eros produces romance- makes your mate your lover. Philia makes your mate your friend but agape goes far beyond. Agape is a love of total commitment. Agape means Selflessness. Agape is total GIVING LOVE. This is the love God expressed when he have his only begotten Son. He had no self-interest. He was giving the one gift that would make possible the forgiveness of sin and would save mankind. In the human sphere, agape love is thoughtfulness, concern, sensitivity to the needs of others. Agape is not a natural love. We were not born into it. It is not the love of adolescence. Eros is essentially in mankind by creation. Philia comes naturally- we all want friends. AGAPE IS ACQUIRED BY MATURITY. The highest form of love we can attain is a gift that God can give us. The very giving and loving nature of God can be put within human beings by a supernatural miracle. Paul wrote, "...the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us" (Rom.5:5). That is agape love. One has not truly love until that selfless love has been experienced. It is when every desire is for the other person. Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends"(John15:13). If and when in marriage you come to a point you would give your life for your mate, then and only then have you experienced the penetrating meaning of love. Relevant to agape love in marriage Paul further said in Ephesians5:28-29, "In this same way, husbands ought to love (agape) their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church"(verse25). It is natural to love the self. It is not natural to love someone else that much. God says that we ought to grow in love towards our mates equal to the love we have for ourselves. No one can expect more but so few ever come close. Most are selfish they do not achieve the real depth of love. Too many marriages are based on only one kind of love- eros. That love usually will not hold up under pressure. Sadly, too many marriages don't even have philia love. Some husbands and wives are not even GOOD FRIENDS.

UNDERSTANDING LOVE FROM THE GREEK LANGUAGE

In the English language there is the one word love. Because of that, few are aware that there are different meanings to the words in the bible translated into English as love. In the Greek language, the language of the New Testament, three different words translate into the English word love. By understanding them, one can better grasp what kind of love to strive for in marriage. The first word is eros. It forms the root of our English word erotic. It is the of love discussed in this article up to now. Of course drop is an important kind of love. Author H. Norman Wright defines eros in his book Pillars of Marriage, as love that seeks sensual expression. It is romantic, sexual love. It is inspired by the biological structure of human nature placed in mankind at creation. Eros is not wrong but it is a kind of love that should never act alone. Unfortunately it is the only love many people ever experience but romantic sensual love is only part of the God given concept of TOTAL love. The second kind of love comes from the Greek word Philia. Again you may recognize the meaning for example, the name of a city of Philadelphia means the city of BROTHERLY LOVE. Philia is friendship, companionship, the physical as well as emotional sharing of time and interests. It shows a desire to cooperate. Mr Wright suggests the difference between eros and philia is that eros is a face to face relationship while philia is a shoulder to shoulder relationship. When applied to marriage it depicts a husband and wife working together, parents and children and brothers and sisters working together. A friend is someone whose company you prefer. Someone you want to be with. Every good marriage has philia love- husbands and wives to be with each other. There two words do not tell the whole story of love.